22 Apr 2011

Fairytale for adults

Once upon a time in a faraway kingdom there was a king. Let’s call him Michael. He was a very mighty king, his fame and glory were so great, that every single citizen of the faraway kingdom (let’s call it Golden lands) and people far beyond the borders of it knew him. Though some people suggested that the King actually was a Queen. Plenty of people loved him, because the King was a magician and knew a secret how to entertain people and make them forget about their misfortunes and fears. But others feared him and even hated him. Different ugly and funny gossips surrounded his name. There were even rumors that the King was eating little kids for breakfast! King’s life was not easy in recent years, his kingdom was in desolation after hurricane and epidemic, he needed gold, and vicious rumors didn’t help.

Since the King was a magician himself he liked warlocks and their magic. There was one warlock in Golden lands who was known for selling beauty and youth. Let’s call him Arnie. He earned a fortune on it. The King was a bit vain; he wanted to stay young and beautiful forever, that’s why he was turning to Arnie for his magical potions from time to time.

The third character of our fairytale was a prince, who descended from goblins. He was very noble, but very shy prince, so let him be just an Anonymous Prince.

Once warlock Arnie saw the prince and immediately fell in love with him. He had a thing for goblins. He started to pursue our prince, trying to seduce him with magical potions, magic carpets and gold made of mercury. Our prince was enormously charmed, but there was a little problem: warlock was engaged with another goblin. But prince agreed to be friends with the warlock Arnie and even to become his apprentice.

Once the King being under pressure of his kingdom’s problems decided to turn to the warlock for his magical potions for youth and beauty (though vicious rumors had it, that the King actually was seeking oblivion herb – a rare and dangerous potion). The warlock couldn’t be happier – he was of low birth, King’s attention flattered him, besides association with the King was good for marketing: it attracted more and more people and goblins who would bring their gold and their bodies to Arnie.

Once the King met the prince at warlock’s place (he lived in a huge beautiful castle near the sea – he was very vain and made sure that everybody should be impressed). History passes over in silence about how it did happen, but very soon the prince realized that the mighty King was more of a… Queen and they became lovers.

The warlock learnt about the liaison very soon and he was even more excited because he was curious like all people about the King’s true identity (though he was jealous a little bit).

It could have been a happy and funny fairytale, but suddenly it got a tragic turn.

All of a sudden the King died.

At first no one could believe it, but later it became clear that the King was dead and that he died because of oblivion herb potion, that he was treated with by a different warlock.

All the Golden lands and all the other lands were shocked and grieved over the King’s untimely death (though haters continued with their vicious gossips).

The prince was grieving too of course, but his mentor founded himself in trouble. Ill-wishers indicated at him as a malicious potion-maker, who was also guilty in King’s passing. There were even rumors which started to circulate throughout Golden lands that the King’s heirs were actually homunculus created in Arnie’s secret subterranean laboratories. But the warlock was cunning (at times) and found out the way to attract attention to himself and to his little magical business. He realized that his apprentice would be a great prop in it. He convinced his apprentice to go to a big Fair square and to announce that the King was actually a Queen and that he (or she?..) was in love with the prince. We have to remember that our prince was shy and he had no idea what to tell to the people, that’s why the warlock hired a story teller (let’s call him Paul) to help the prince. So, one fine day the prince went to the big Fair square and told the people who promenaded there his story. The warlock showed himself from behind the prince and said: “I can corroborate it! The story is true!” But the people were not impressed. “Oh no” – said worshippers of the King – “He was a mighty King, he simply couldn’t be a Queen!” “Oh ho!” – Said haters – “The King wouldn’t find anything attractive in this apprentice; he is not a little child to be eaten for breakfast!” “Oh no!” – Said others – “Of course our King was a Queen, but he wouldn’t fall in love with this green goblin, he was too refined for it!”

So, the warlock and the prince had to run from the Fair square as fast as possible, because some kind citizens were ready to start tossing rotten tomatoes.

With the lapse of time most of citizens forgot about the prince, though they continued to gossip about the late King.

Meanwhile the warlock who’s little magic business didn’t go well at the time because of his decreasing health and bad publicity was using his apprentice’ story for his little shady dealings. He was inviting people and goblins to his castle to meet the mighty King’s beloved and arranging orgies. The warlock thought that he was a rock-star, and his life has to be filled with sex, magic potions and loud music.

Time was going by, Arnie the warlock was becoming more and more annoying and mentally unstable. His golden coins were disappearing very fast, competition between sellers of youth and beauty was tense. He got a new goblin boyfriend, who didn’t like the prince. Our prince was tired of his jealous master, of master’s arrogant boyfriend and all the drama. He decided to leave the warlock’s castle. He asked for his fee and wanted to take his belongings with him, but the warlock refused. And prince had to leave, barefoot and with no golden coins in his pockets.

Actually it was not the first time that warlock’s friends and apprentices were booted out of his castle barefoot and almost naked.

The warlock’s business was at decline; he spent too much gold on young and handsome goblins, suspicious potions and owed a lot of golden coins to usurers. He started to accuse his former apprentice and his former treasurer of stealing from his money (that actually he spent himself). Besides people of the Golden lands wanted to prosecute a warlock who caused death of their beloved King. Arnie had to be a witness; he was frightened that his shady dealings with the King would suddenly become everyone’s business. That’s why he climbed up a high post and started to shout that the prince and his other former associates were stealing his gold and sending it to foreign oppressors, that the story teller Paul was paid to invent a love affair between the King (who was not a Queen) and the prince and that the warlock had no idea about it. Besides he was accusing evil spirits in King’s untimely death and even falsification of his last will.

People started to gather around the high post.

“Finally he admitted that our King was not a Queen!” – Admirers were saying. “He is raving…” – others were suspecting.

If you want to know what happened later… I don’t know. But stay tuned!

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